1. The language
Apparently English was the first language I ever spoke, back in kindergarten in upstate NY. I don't remember this, but I do remember watching the US version of Cartoon Network with my brother when we were about six or seven. Every Friday and Saturday, we were allowed an hour and a half of TV, and although we didn't have a clue what all those weirdly coloured cats were saying, it was better than the shit that passed for entertainment on German television. At school, I thought English was the coolest language ever. I read Lord of the Flies without understanding the main plot element but felt so cool it almost made up for the fact I didn't have any friends. I envied Americans and Brits their language, their writers, and their books. I still do - my favourite writers are almost exclusively American and British - and even though I'm OK at speaking and writing in English (WAY better than I was when I first moved here), I'll never be able to command words and sentences the way good native speakers and writers can.You lucky bastards.
2. The girls
Now, that is a difficult point. Because girls - I think that much we can all agree on - are pretty mental, regardless of their nationality. However. While British girls have a bit of a rep for being easy like Sunday morning, drinking like camels and generally being a bit rowdy, most of them are also polite in that inherently British way. You get the feeling they'd rather eat glass than embarass you or make you feel uncomfortable. And since I'm very easily embarassed and pretty much live in a bubble of inadequacy, this makes me warm to them a lot. Obviously there are many irritating exceptions, but the female friends I've made here in the last few years are gobby, loud, smart, funny, good drinkers and lovely people.No British girlfriend so far though. Fucking racists.
3. The football
This point obviously refers to the English Premier League, the only one that matters for a football tourist like me. I'll watch a scrappy lower division match once a year, but why put up with that when you can watch the ridiculous, overblown, obscene and awesome blockbuster that is the Premier League? I know that in Italy and Germany you can still smoke and drink (both of which I fully approve of) inside the grounds, and the tickets are cheaper, and that every successful English team is owned by Americans or Russians or Arabs, but the way the whole country goes mental about every single detail of the game still gets me. Plus, have you watched any games in Italy or Germany recently? No offence, but it's bloody boring 80% of the time. People complain about 'the big four' over here, but Inter, Bayern and Barca in Spain pretty much stroll through every season without a serious challenge. Incidentally, some of my favourite Premier League players are Robbie Fowler, Dennis Bergkamp, Steven Gerrard, Gianfranco Zola and Danny Murphy.
4. Nando's
Never mind the ever-rising prices, the awful salsa cover compilations playing in every outlet, the Rose that tastes like a rusting car, the massive variance of the amount of chips that are served, the pitch-dark, cavernous restaurants, the rage-inducing script the staff have to go through ("Table number? How spicy? Double or single? Cheese or pinapple? Nuts or olives?" etc.), the fact that no matter how often you've ordered extra Halloumi cheese INSIDE THE BURGER at the same branch, they insist on serving it on a seperate plate and the frankly tiny ketchup bottles, this fine food institution has served me well in the last couple of years. Every other visit, my friends and I try to estimate how much money we've spunked up the walls in the various branches, and it wouldn't surprise me if it was approaching the £1000 mark (when I was 15/16, every Friday AND Saturday night involved a visit to the Richmond restaurant). Comfort food at it's finest, and no Kebab from Berlin, no Pizza from Milan and no Leberkaessemmel from Munich could measure up to the sensation of sinking your teeth into a Hot Chicken Burger with extra Garlic Sauce. Fuck, I really want one now.
