"That was...interesting."

I finally got round to watching Caligula. During its first 15 minutes or so, I noticed two things. 1) The music during the opening credits ("Montegues & Capulets"by Sergei Prokofiev, apparently) is the same as the intro music to The Apprentice, which is one of my favourite shows. OMG etc. I half expected to hear that lovable little gnome go "This is a job interview from hell", followed by the usual spiel of "from all corners of the British empire, 16 obnoxious, clueless morons have come to London..." - you know the one. Instead, however, what followed was 2hrs 35 mins of shouting/giggling from Malcolm McDowell intersepted with some graphic bits of hardcore porn and torture.   2)Gaius Caesar Germanicus' nickname, Caligula, means "Little boots". Is the perpetrator of one of this year's most boring records named after a loopy dictator who fancied his sister and (in the film, at least) let a horse sleep in his bed? Crikey.


With a bit of distance I can safely say that I did not like it. In fact, I found it pretty depressing. And not because, like the esteemed Daily Mail says, it includes "every imaginable perversion" (men banging women, women banging women, men banging men - oh noez!) It's more that so many talented people were involved in the making of the film and still they manage to make a such a chaotic, disjointed and void heap of crap of it (That's probably the only reason people still talk about this film, but it was what struck me most). Helen Mirren, certified hottie and pretty decent actress, is in it, as is Peter O'Toole (who I thought was the only watchable actor in this - reminded me a bit of Willem Dafoe's Bobby Peru in Wild At Heart).

One look at the dude who's responsible for the final cut of this gory toga phantasy explained a lot, however.